Writers make writing look hard

Do writers make writing look hard on purpose? Is it really that hard?

I want to believe that it is not as hard as it looks, or as it seems, and perhaps if the creative juices flow, and with the tincture of time, writing something pretty amazing to share with the world is indeed possible.

Not that I have done that yet, mind you.

Well, I shouldn’t sell myself short. I have written a number of blog posts and I think some pretty good essays and papers for school…

But, what I want to write a book about is stuck somewhere inside me, and doesn’t really want to come out yet. So, I have been doing alot of thinking about it. I am sure that adds up to something, right?

Do writers actually make writing look hard on purpose? Is the struggle real? Are they making it a struggle to keep others from wanting to write? Or, is the struggle where the creativity comes from? Or is the struggle actually fear?

Fear. Well now, fear is something that my brain can wrap itself around.

I fear that my idea is not adequate. I fear I don’t have enough time to really do what I want with it. I fear that I will stress out about it. I fear that people won’t read it. I fear I won’t be able to publish it. I fear it is too hard.

Am I actually sabotaging myself? Is my brain trying to stop me from writing? Is my mind following along changing my thoughts and ideas into fears?

My seven year old told me I could write this book. We were sharing our thoughts on how the brainmind can talk you right out of things you want to do.

My mind is filled with ideas for a book, but my brain is filled with all of those negative, fearful thoughts on how to accomplish it.

In fact, my brainmind is trying to talk me right out of writing it.

And, it might be winning. Until my daughter explained the difference between thinking with your brainmind and knowing with your heart.

Intuitively, I have always known this difference but it wasn’t until Ella literally pointed it out that I realized my heart knew I could and should write this book.

It wasn’t until she touched her finger to her heart and then to mine and said “my heart knows you can write this book, does yours?”.

Here’s to another adventure.

The Last Time I was in Maine

Peonies from our very own yard!

Peonies from our very own yard!

The last time I was in Maine, in April, three cervical discs in my neck bulged and I ended up limping home for the five hour drive as a passenger in severe pain. At the time, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I certainly did not think that I was going to spend the next several weeks healing and taking care of myself. That is a story for another day and don’t worry I am going to spend some time telling you all about it.

For today, this story is about how we ventured back to Maine. For our annual July visit. We spent a long time driving up, walking breaks every hour, a long lunch and walking tour in Portsmouth. Then, the home stretch a hour and a half drive through Freeport, Portland, Bath and then straight into Damariscotta.

I have to say I was very nervous about the drive- my mother in law drove so my neck could be free to move around- it was a delightful trip, and we made it with no problems!

Now, for taking care of myself.

Easier said than done.

My instinct is always to be on the move. How do you slow down when all you want to do is be active? How do you remind yourself to do your meditation, to walk, to drink water, to take your supplements, all when you are faced with this beautiful landscape, the beautiful lake, the wonderful places to shop! All I want to do is run out and enjoy it all, but instead, I have to take it in slow, even steps. I have to brave the mosquitos every morning to do my walking. I have to lie down on the yoga mat and do stretches and neck exercises. I have to take the time to be restful despite wanting to be on the go all the time.

So, there it is. I am faced with an inner quandry. I MUST take care of myself so that the cervial radiculopathy does not raise its ugly head (neck?) again. I MUST learn how to slow down, not be so active, not want to be moving and doing something every second.

That is hard for me. I hope to figure it out and share with you too.

Jay Fuller's Ideas

My husband (Jay Fuller) has a lot of ideas. Let’s build a commercial kitchen in our basement so you can bake scones for other people, he says. Let’s get baby doll sheep so they can mow the grass, he says. Let’s build a farm store so that we can have seating for all the people who want to eat your scones, he says.

Slowly but surely, we built a community around farming, baking and serving others.

When he brought these ideas to me in the beginning, I thoguht they wouldn’t work. I am a nurse I told him, I can’t sell anything. Now, we are sellling LOTS of things from our Farm Store every weekend. I am a nurse I told him, I don’t have the time to do _____ (fill in the blank). Invariably, I find the time, as does he, and with Ella’s help, we have been having a fun time of it.

Now, he has convinced me to try something newl. I am going to give it a try. I am going to continue to work on taking care of me- exercise, sleep, nutrition, that goes without saying- I can’t do things for others if I am not healthy and happy myself. I am going to keep baking and working at the Farm Store. I am going to keep being a nurse executive. I have the strength to do all of these things because of him and because of Ella.

So, here’s to the next big thing! Wish us luck! More to come…

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Another Early Morning Walk Adventure

I know the picture isn’t perfect, I wish I had something other than just my cell phone with me, but on my walk this morning I saw a pair of ducks guarding their nest. They built their nest on a rock in the middle of the river, on a rock and were admantly trying to protect the nest as the water rushed by. They spotted me quickly, the male duck jumped off the rock and started swimming around, while the female stayed with the nest. I am not sure if they thought I would jump in and try to steal their eggs because that definitely was NOT in the cards this morning!

They were clucking and quacking the entire time. It was adorable and sweet. It made me think about our own families and how protective we are, and despite the precarious situations we may find ourselves in, we are able to overcome and grow and learn.

I am growing and learning new ways of being as I am recovering from my cervical spine issue. I will write more about that later, but for now, I want to share with you my journey in walking and nutrition that has made me feel so much better in such a short amount of time.

Take care of yourself. Only you can do it. Be well. Till my next walk…

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Early Morning Walk

I have been walking to heal my cervical spine and often find the most relaxing time is right after 5am, the sun is just coming up, the birds are beginning to waken, my family is still asleep and there are hardly any cars on the road. I can take my time or move fast, depending on how the sound of the river is influencing me. I can listen to a podcast on how my nutrition is healing me, or I can listen to the sound of the river and birds and do a walking meditation.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my walks and this morning I had the pleasure of meeting this little orange fellow who was enjoying his walk too…

Note his legs seem like they are in motion, but he was absolutely still. He truly seemed to be suspended mid step. I had already taken over 6,000 steps before I spotted him, so I was glad for the chance to stop and take a peek.

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As I came upon him, he was already still, apparently in mid step. Perhaps my jostling of the ground behind him had him spooked and he decided that if he was as still as could be then I wouldn’t see him. His bright orange body made me pause, crouch down and take his photo, whether he wanted me to or not!

I left him in peace, saying goodbye to the little salamander and continued on my way. My back and nexk were feeling good and I was happy that i had spent time outside before the rains come. Again.

Mid Winter Adventure 2019

Sometimes you just need a little away time. Away from your routine, away from your house (and dustbunnies!), away from everything. Fortunately, we had the chance to get away from it all, if only for a few days, to visit one of my favorite places- Lake George. I have never been to Lake George in the winter, and I wasn’t really sure what to expect.

The Blue Sky was expansive, the mountains were as I remember them (calming and majestic) and the ice was plowed so that cars, ski mobiles, quads, bikes and people could walk easily to the middle of the lake.

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What we experienced were folks enjoying the winter weather in a way that suits us just fine-tailgatting on the expansive of frozen lake. Eating, drinking (of course) and hanging out watching ice fishing, ice diving, ice bike riding, ice driving- the ice adventures seemed endless.

Folks were very friendly and shared their knowledge of Lake George in the winter with us. We not only met some new people, but we also met many folks from CT! Either visiting or just having moved to the Adirondacks, they were very happy with their choice of living locations, even during the dead of winter. The Winter Festival for the month of February brings many folks to the area to enjoy skiing, winter sports and of course, everything related to the ice!

Having never seen the lake in winter, I wanted to get right to it. Running out on the frozen lake seemed impossible to me, but there we were standing on the edge. I took a deep breath, grabbed Ella’s hand and said, “here we go”, stepped over the burm of ice/snow and stepped onto the lake. It seemed impossible that I was standing on Lake George, along with countless others, and countless cars doing wheelies. We walked for a long time to get to the center of the lake for a good picture looking north.

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It was absolutely beautiful! I would not have traded this weekend for anything! The best part of the weekend was sharing this winter adventure with my two besties, Ella and J Fuller.

Trying out a familiar place at a different time was just what we needed to break the cycle of endless winter in Connecticut! Enjoy the snow and ice!

The Goslings are Moving Out!

Ode to Gossie and Gertie

We took care of you since you were babies.

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We loved your antics and your really huge webbed feet.

We will miss you on the farm.

We wouldn't have traded this experience for everything in the whole world.

Thank you for being our friends.

- Teresa and Ella Fuller, June 24, 2018

 

Today was the day! Gossie and Gertie needed to find a new home! We heard of a beautiful place from our friend Kelley from Howling Flats Farm, so we packaged them up (I dare you to try to put two almost full grown goslings in a box!) and drove them to their new home. With tears in our eyes, we managed to talk ourselves into the fact that this is the right thing to do for these two loves. We cared from them as best we could from when they were tiny goslings, snuggling them to keep them warm, feeding them the best green weeds everyday, taking them for walks and even having them over for a swim! We knew that it was time, especially since the larger one had started getting a nasty attitude with the chickens and with Jake. It was only a matter of time till he started goosing us!

Onward we drove, talking about how the goslings would grow up with new geese friends, learn to fly and to migrate, and eventually make it back to CT next spring to summer over in their new pond.

As we reached the site, our chatter shifted to what would become of the goslings. Would they be ok? Would they survive their first rain storm, their first snow? Would they make friends with the other geese at the pond?

As uncertain as ever, we met our friends, and proceeded to the pond.

 

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The pond was beautiful! The spot, idyllic. There was no better place to release our gosling friends than this lovely spot. Ella looks on with saddness in her eyes, she was really not ready to let the gosling go and trying very hard not to cry.

 

Jason tossed the goslings in the water while no one was looking (hence no picutres!).  Immediately, they were swimming around with what looked like smiles on their faces. Gosling butts were up as their heads peered down to see what was below them. Their rather huge webbed feet were gliding them effortlessly around the pond. Their flippers knew just what to do- tucking behind them to stay aerodynamic. Amazing!

The goslings swam out a bit- they could hear us from up above them- we were sitting on a rocky out ledge watching them. As they swam and honked, a wild goose came waddling down the embankment, jumped in the pond and swam directly over to them. They met, talked and seemed to like each other immediately. The larger goose then began honking for her family, and soon two goslings, only a little bit older than ours waddled down and swam over to meet Gossie and Gertie.

It began to sprinkle, then rain, as we watched the 5 of them get to know each other.

It was marvelous. 

We left quietly so as not to disturb them. Ella cried as we walked to the car, wanting to visit them as soon as possible. 

What a grand time we had caring for these two goslings! 

Good bye for now our dear Gossie and Gertie.

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